Prior Incantomato
by jennifer snape
Summary: Where did the last tomato go? A short, sour, story. HarryDraco.
1. Chapter 1

Prior Incantomato

"A tomato, Harry"

"A _what_?" Harry rolled onto his side, squinting towards the voice that had startled him out of his mid-afternoon doze.

Draco rolled his eyes and towered over Harry's curled form. "It's small, red, and has these little seeds -"

"Hilarious, Draco," Harry retorted sarcastically. "Remind me to bypass your next stand-up performance."

"You asked."

"I meant what on earth do you want a _tomato_ for?" Harry reached for his glasses and slid them along his nose, blinking a few times. When his eyesight finally adjusted, he wondered if Fred and George had placed some ridiculous charm on his spectacles during their visit that morning….

Because Harry really thought that there was a greater chance of Lord Voldemort popping round for a quick cup of tea than the sight that greeted him now.

The self-proclaimed _Death-Eaters' worst nightmare_ (Draco had actually said this, albeit after a few too many Firewhiskies) was standing before him, an apron tied round his neck and waist, a pair of oven gloves slung over one shoulder, covered from head to foot in – was that _egg_?

Harry stifled a snort, instead transforming the strangled noise into a cough. He knew that if he dared let it escape him then he would be a _dead_ man. In one movement he swung his legs over the side of the couch to face his husband. He looked at Draco for a few seconds before speaking solemnly. "I think you should maybe sit down before I inform you of something."

Draco lowered himself until he was kneeling opposite the Gryffindor.

Harry leaned forward to take Draco's hand in his, in the manner of someone offering sympathy. He cleared his throat. "I'm really sorry to disappoint you - but the auditions for Mary Poppins were _last_ week."

"Oh ha bloody ha!" The Slytherin yanked his hand free of Harry's grip and stormed towards the kitchen. Harry choked with laughter and took a good few minutes to compose himself. He followed the irate man, still holding his sides. "Come on, it was a joke!"

"Like your _hairstyle._"

A very amused Harry raised his eyebrows, obviously taking no offence whatsoever at the reference to his still untamed locks. He looked Draco up and down and was satisfied by just how much the Slytherin reddened as he did so. "I don't think I'm about to take fashion advice from someone who has '_Malfoys Do it With Wooden Spoons_' emblazoned on their chest."

Draco looked down at the custom-made apron that Hermione had presented him with for his birthday and turned away sheepishly. "Fair point," he huffed. He gave Harry a sidelong glance. "On second thoughts, maybe I'd be better off wearing aprons _permanently_ when I'm around you." He eyed the dark-haired wizard mischievously. "I don't want you _bleeding_ all over my clothes." Harry blushed – but not for the reason that Draco assumed.

Harry hurriedly stepped closer, eager to steer the conversation in a new direction. He surveyed the mess on the worktops, wrinkling his nose at the rather uneven concoction that Draco had ladled into a bowl. "So, what are you making?"

"An omlette," Draco frowned. "But I'm having some - er - _difficulty_."

"I'm sure all it needs is a spoonful of sugar." Harry bit his lip to stop himself laughing out loud.

Draco gave Harry a dangerous look and picked up a wooden spoon.

"That was the last one, I promise." Harry held his hands up in defence.

"Good - because I'm not afraid to use this!"

Harry quickly changed the topic before Draco got any ideas. All the while, his mind fervently attempted to put into practice every ounce of _Occlumency_ that the Gryffindor had ever learnt….

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Just one more chapter of this nonsense, then it'll be over! Draco's comment ("I don't want you _bleeding_ all over my clothes") will be explained in the next instalment.

I'd love you to leave a review if you liked it, hated it, or just have any views about tomatoes in general! (Don't even get me _started_ on ketchup….)

For everyone who hasn't seen the film 'Mary Poppins', there's a song called 'A Spoonful of Sugar' in it, so that's what Harry was referring to! Incidentally, I hate that film!


	2. Chapter 2

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Chapter 2

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Draco sensed a change in Harry's magical aura and turned instinctively towards the dark-haired wizard. He could feel a slight degree of agitation emanating from the Gryffindor, and he certainly seemed to be in more than a little discomfort if his flushed cheeks were anything to go by.

Draco chuckled softly and grinned. "Hey – it's only a tomato! For goodness sake, I can easily do without it." He shrugged. "I just thought we had one left, that's all."

Harry blushed even further, still refusing to look at Draco.

The Slytherin suddenly frowned at him, detecting a subtle shift in his husband's magical presence. "Hang on a minute – are you - ?" Draco's eyebrows shot up. "Are you closing your _mind_ off?"

Harry's eyes widened. He shook his head violently and hurriedly turned to leave the kitchen.

Draco deftly caught Harry's arm and whipped him around until the two were facing. "What on earth are you doing, Harry?" he spluttered, utterly confused by this bizarre behaviour. Harry continued to fidget and pried at his husband's strong grip.

Suddenly, eyes narrowing, Draco's curiosity got the better of him. He looked directly at Harry and spoke clearly. "Legilimens!" He caught the Gryffindor off guard.

"No!" Harry shielded his face and turned away. He somehow managed to successfully block out his thoughts. _Thank you_,_ Snape_, he thought gratefully, thankful that the Occlumency lessons he had been subjected to hadn't been a complete waste of effort. Draco wasn't a Slytherin for nothing, however. He had a pretty good idea that whatever was causing Harry to behave so strangely had something to do with magic.

Which had something to do with wands.

Harry's wand.

Draco quickly grabbed his own wand and aimed it at the end of Harry's. He wasted no time. "Prior Incantato!" A jet of light connected the tips of the two wands and -

Nothing happened.

Harry lunged to break the connection but he was a split second too late. A silvery image poured from the end of the Gryffindor's wand and formed a miniature scene before them, of a tiny fridge, a worktop, and a bowl. The objects hung in the air for a few seconds as the two wizards looked on. The door of the fridge suddenly opened, and at a roaring pace, the glistening image of a tomato shot out of it. Harry closed his eyes and exhaled loudly in defeat. No doubt about it, he had a _lot_ of explaining to do.

Draco rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Harry, if you used the last tomato, you should have just _said. _For goodness sake, what did you think I was going to do - "

He stopped mid-sentence when he realised that Harry's wand hadn't quite finished….

The tomato, on it's destination towards the bowl, suddenly veered off course and smacked into the image of a radiator that had just formed and splattered onto the carefully arranged shirt that was lying on it. Draco's shirt. Draco's _favourite_ shirt, to be precise.

Draco's eyes widened in disbelief and his mouth fell open. "_That's_ what happened? You told me it was blood!"

"Er – yes, I believe I did." Now it was Harry's turn to look sheepish. "It actually – er - _wasn't._" He squirmed a little under Draco's gaze. "I was aiming at the bowl, honest. It was an _accident_."

"You completely ruined my favourite shirt, Potter! I couldn't get that stain out."

Harry raised his eyebrows in bemusement. "Would you rather it _was_ my blood?"

"You gave my shirt a bath in _tomatoes_!" Draco snapped. "That's even worse!"

"Not toma_toes_," Harry pointed out helpfully. "Just one."

Draco raised an eyebrow. Don't get smart with me, Potter. Draco put his hands on his hips and glared at the squirming wizard before him. "_Oh I'm so sorry Draco_", the Slytherin mimicked sarcastically, "_I cut my finger and it bled all over your shirt!_" He snorted. "_By the way, would you mind not wasting it because I could bottle it and sell it as ketchup._"

Harry rolled his eyes. He got the point.

And, a few moments later, he also got a raw omelette.

Right in his face.

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**I hope you liked it! Not to worry, Harry and Draco sorted out their differences after Harry promised never to mix magic and food ever again. **

**'Prior Incantato' **produces an image of the last spell that was cast by a wand.


End file.
